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June 8th, 2007
08:14 pm
There was one time in my life where I caught a glimpse of the interconnectedness that was God, and the world, and me. And that one time passed, like a freight train through a ghostly town and I keep dwelling on it- wondering why it had to go so quickly, why it couldn't have stayed to make the loneliness subside....why it left me behind. One time.... and I didn't hold on to it long enough to leave an impact....
I only know how badly I'd like to have it back. Just for a moment. Just one more time.
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May 4th, 2006
10:00 am
my lazy arse is bored at work so I thought i'd amuse ya'll with a nice little update angela-style... void of the angsty rants, mind you- I think we're all tired of hearing about all of the reasons why angela's life SUCKS. It still does, don't get me wrong- I still hate lifesogoshdurnflippinmuchiwanttogorgemyeyesoutwithapapermachete but I'm slowly coming to realize there's not a durn thing I can do about it so I might as well suck face and shut the fuck up. Doh! I was trying really hard to clean this mouth of mine out. It's getting pretty bad. Obviously those ten bars of soap I ate for breakfast didn't do me a world of good.
I'm finding myself missing school already and we've only been out a week. What the heck is even wrong with me? Lol. I think I have this sort of sick passion for filling my mind with useless information.. I love wracking my brain over things that make no sense to me at all... Staying up for hours on end writing papers so far up my behind that it pangs me to walk in a straight line for longer than three minutos.
My doctor says I need to start working on turning the negatives into positives- so today I must say I'm super pumped about going to my internsip where some really nice lady can explain to me in a word that my work over the past few months has fallen short of their expectations and they would like me to re-do everything. Yes, that sounds swell.
It's a good thing I really don't have a doctor to tell me all of the things I should do with life, cause I'm afraid I would leave him or her deeply disappointed. In all reality, I'm just going to tell this lady that I give up, that it's her fault I've become such a failure, and that she can burn in the fiery pits of hell. ..That's the reality that exists in my mind anyway. I wonder which is more real?
oh my my my look what a major in religious studies and philosophy has done to me. It's made me flipping mad! I think that's what it's supposed to do though, right? I mean, if Martin Luther, Calvin, Augustine can simultaneously be considered insane and full of great minds- than by golly, I can too.
Nick and I are going to go gamble all of our monies away tonight and it's going to be great. I hate money, so why not take what I don't have and give it away to someone who's going to do something with it that I may or may not approve of? Sounds like a pretty great idea to me.
aaannnndddd CUT!
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July 24th, 2005
12:23 pm
BAH!
I forgot about Daniel's birthday! I know he's been the worst brother in the entire universe over the past three years but no one deserves a forgotten b-day. My whole family forgot! ..When there's 8 people in your family and not a single person remembers about your special day... can't be a good feeling. Must go buy presents and lots of "I'm Sorry/Happy B-day cards"
ADIOS!
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July 23rd, 2005
12:37 pm - Randomonium.
What's with you today?"
--"What's with today, today?"
Oh this crazy head of mine is going to get me into big, big trouble someday.
I leave on Tuesday to go to North Carolina for my sissy's wedding. SQUEEE! I'm so pumped. The excitement is sortof taking me over.
I think I must've gained a few pounds since I moved into my own place- the bridesmaid dress I bought no longer fits. Ooops. That's what I get for living off of Oreos for the past month. Damnit! Time to go on a liquid diet. And by liquid I mean lots of alchohol for the next 5 days. :)
So my sister's a feminist Nazi... apparently the term "maid of honor" is sexist so we have to change all of her wedding programs and replace it with "Best Woman." That's okay by me though- because, well- I am the best woman.... EVER. Might as well make it be known. :-)
Wanna know what sucks? Paying a full month's rent when you're going to be gone for over half of it. That's what sucks. I have to go make money now. PACCHENO's here I come.
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July 15th, 2005
10:02 am - Grams- I still miss you.
I just spent the last 24 hours hanging out with my 10 year old brother. He's my favorite person in the entire universe. We hung out for like 3 hours at the Half Price bookstore, got ourselves some Starbucks, came back to my place and read all day- then rented some movies and vegged out on Oreos all night. It was the best date ever!
...Finding out you are a man-whore most definitely puts a slight damper on the relationship we never really had. Nevertheless, for whatever reason unbeknownst to me- I am still thoroughly infatuated.
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June 28th, 2005
10:45 pm - you drive a fast car-- maybe together we could get somewhere.
I'm trying to get in my lj fill before I move outa here. I don't think we're going to be able to afford the internet so I may have to go without for a while. I'll be uper close to school though so I suppose if I really felt the urge I could hop online from there.
I must've had dispatch on my mind last night... I didn't realize just about every other verse included their lyrics.
Oh well, there's worse things that could be on my mind.
I'm feeling good today
for the first time
in a long time
baby, I think tonight
I'm gonna be just fine
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June 27th, 2005
09:48 pm - "If you're gonna spew, spew into this..."
Man, if I woulda known I could have saved my $50 and listened to Tom Petty and Black Crows covers all weekend I just might have spared myself. ...I'm most definitely pumped for the real thing nonetheless. :-)
I kinda feel like I'm gonna vomit. Like I went on the bad spining ride at the carnival one too many times right after eating a funnel cake or something. I just burped and it tasted like a tomato. Gross.
I've officially moved back home. Got my grandpa all settled in here and on Friday I move again. I'm tired of moving. At least with the lease I have on my apartment I won't have to worry about it for another six months. Ah, I'm so excited to finally be getting a place to call my own. Squueee. :-)
would you sing me a song
for a delicate few
just long enough so I
can close my eyes
and let myself wander
inside your mind
sing what you want
sing what you feel
sing anything
I might need to hear
sing me a song
sing loud and clear
sing anything
help me to heal.
would you strum your guitar
for a moment or two
just long enough so I
can idly stand
and let myself be felt
by the touch of your hand
play what you want
play what you feel
play anything
I might need to hear
play me a song
play loud and clear
play anything
help me to feel.
Current Music: Free Fallin'- Tom Petty
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May 23rd, 2005
10:54 pm - "Someday I'm gonna be someone who believes"
Mr. Jones and me are gonna be big stars.
Yessiree.
Tea for Two
You come with yours
I come with mine-
all in good company.
the unification of our pathetic little minds
on the brink of insanity
just trying to pass the time.
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May 21st, 2005
08:49 pm - "..Don't give up on me...don't give up on me."
We had my grandmother's final funeral today. She was a special lady, so she got more than one. It will never cease to amaze me just how many lives my grandmother touched... she's the epitome of everything I could ever hope to become in a woman. God, I miss her. I don't know why it's so hard to let go of her. Knowing just how much at peace she was when she died helps a little, but although Grandma looked at death as not the end, but rather a new begining, my current religious views lack that eternal certainty. I wish I had her faith... I wish she could have helped me work out the kinks before she passed away. I wish I had simply taken the time to ask... there's so much guilt bottled up inside of this little heart of mine....
I wish I didn't have so many wishes.
Grandma promised that even though she couldn't be physically with us when she passed away, her spirit would forever surround us...
but I can't feel her presence.
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